When did I go wrong?

So here we are in this moment in time, in our life's journey and you are probably thinking the same thing I am...

Where did I go wrong?

Where did I make that "one mistake" that got me to this dead-end I'm at right now?

What caused this relationship/job/project/life to go so horribly wrong?

How did I end up stuck somewhere I don't want to be?

Why didn't my life go the way I wanted it to be by (insert desire/goal/achievement here) at (insert timeframe/age/year here), yet (insert person's/people's names here) have already done so?

It's quite simple actually. But just like the truth shall set you free, the truth can hurt even more then the lies we tell ourselves.

You see we lie to ourselves to avoid the cold honest truth we don't want to face. You, me and everyone else that have (and some who continue to) lie to ourselves that we are here because something went wrong along the way that detoured us from our life's goal and purpose.

We start playing the blame game. It was so and so's fault, it was this event or that event or whatever the case.

So the wholehearted truth is....

IT'S OUR OWN DAMN FAULT!!!

Yes it is!

Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

You chose that decision/action/path that got you here. Now its up to you to choose to get you out of here and get you back to where you want to be.

Stopping the blame game sounds easy. Yet it is the hardest thing to do. Why? Because we see others doing and being what we want for ourselves but don't do anything to change it. Why? Because we have become comfortable in the lies we tell ourselves.

It is so easy to lie to ourselves no matter how honest we are to everyone else around us. The common culprit is fear. Fear of being looked at as a failure or incompetent perhaps. Whatever the reasons we lie to ourselves and make choices that are easy and that keep the waters from getting turbulent. We ride the calm still waters of comfort over the waves of uncertainty because of fear of failure. Not as much failing others but more so ourselves.

Once that was established in your life you stopped going after the things you had planned and settled for a life of playing it safe and that others were the reason for it.

You got comfortable in this zone. You enjoy its calm and tranquil feeling. Going unnoticed and unchallenged through life. You and you alone fabricated this comfort zone and only you can get yourself out.

Change is just that change. Everything is changing. Every second of every minute, of every hour, of every day, of every year, of every decade and so on. Seasons change so do people, places and thing. So why aren't you? Change isn't easy I know. It takes time to change (just look at how long it takes for summer to come when winter starts) and everyone is afraid of that ticking clock that ticks closer to our end game. Yet you and everyone that is in this place in their life use that as an excuse and blame everything but your choice to stay in your self made comfort zone.

Breaking out of the comfort zone and staying out of it is the challenge. Which is exactly my point. CHALLENGE!!!

You stopped challenging yourself and pushing through the discomfort. You started looking at others being and having what you wish for yourself but with out challenging yourself to get there. You forgot how to challenge yourself to move past the fear of failing. We all have at some point failed. Yet we figured out that not trying again was a better choice then doing so again and again and again until we succeeded. Hence comfort zone.

We didn't fear falling when we were first learning to crawl or walk. We didn't fear when we learnt to ride a bike or to drive. We didn't know fear until we started putting more value on what others thought of us and putting limits on our goals and passions.

So when did we start putting more value on what everyone else wants and has done then putting value in what we want and do? FEAR OF FAILURE.

We forgot that failure is not lack of success. Failure is part of success. We failed many times before we succeeded at crawling. Same when we succeeded in walking and then riding a bike and again driving. We raised our goals and failed until we succeeded. So why aren't we doing the same in our life's journey? Well it's because we put more value in everyone else's baskets instead of our own.

Change is needed to break out of the prison of the comfort zone. Change is good. Change is growth. Growth is success.

Don't look at failure as the end result. Look at it as an obstacle to overcome.

What I discovered is that comfort is reserved for soft fuzzy blankets, a warm pair of socks and fresh underwear straight out the dryer. Challenge is reserved for growing and becoming that which you so desperately want in life.

I also discover that if it doesn't get you where you want to be then it's a setback. If it helps you get there then it's a challenge.

From my perspective I see setbacks as failures and challenges as growth and change. Having made that distinction between the two was the first step in change for me. Adopting this is helping me become a better me. It has pushed me to go after my goals, dreams and passions.

Put value in your basket and start challenging yourself to reach your goals and passions. It won't be easy and it won't be comfortable. Heck it won't happen overnight either. It's sticking to the routine of changing your comfort zone into a challenge zone.

Track what you do every day that you find easy and not challenging you to reach your goals and passions. Then challenge yourself to change those things to get your goals and passions. Some examples that I did were...

• Stop watching so much TV and read more about things that will get you to your goals and passions.

• Exercise for 15-30 minutes once a week at a pre arranged time for a week then add 1 day more to your following week. Then when you have 3+ days in a week set in place and consistent for 2-3 weeks increase the time by 15 minutes until you are exercising 3+ days a week for 1 hour each day.

• Walk to the store instead of driving. Walk after a meal or instead of sitting on the couch with a remote in one hand and cheese puffs in the other. Graduate that to longer walks that eventually lead to hiking on weekends. (Or just stick to long walks if hiking isn't your vibe)

• Start eating 1 healthier meal a day. Slowly increase that to 2 meals and so on. If need me start doing meal preps to save time and ensure your lunches at work will be healthier and more cost efficient to you as well.

• Find your passion and work on it. Find people that will guide and encourage you to succeed at your passion. Whatever your passion is, find and build a network that will help you reach it.

• Practice more self-care. From daily hygiene to treating yourself to a spa day or go to a fancy restaurant you normally wouldn't go. Self-care is putting yourself first and recharging yourself like you would your cellphone when the battery gets too low.

• Practice some form of relaxation. Meditation is what I did. It can be anything that calms not only your body but also your mind and soul.

These only a few things I did. There are many ways to start the change. Heck you can even download an app to that direct line to your pocket that can help you track all the things you want to create change to in your journey. This way you are holding yourself accountable to your goals and passions instead of putting the blame on others.

Lastly you need to be forgiving and be kind to yourself when things don't go right. Change takes time and time brings change. So until next blog....

GIVE YOURSELF TIME